Separation anxiety can be tough—for both children and parents. But before you start worrying too much, take a deep breath and remember this: it’s completely normal. In fact, it’s a sign of a healthy attachment between you and your child.
What Is Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety typically begins around 6 to 8 months of age. This is when babies reach a cognitive milestone known as object permanence—the realization that people and objects continue to exist even when they’re not visible.
While this is a cognitive milestone to celebrate, it also means your little one now understands that when you leave the room, you’re somewhere else—and they’re not sure when (or if) you’re coming back. No wonder they get upset!
Why It’s Actually a Good Sign
That distress your child shows when you leave? It’s a reflection of a secure bond. They’ve learned that you’re important and that your presence means safety, comfort, and love. So, while it may feel heartbreaking to hear those cries, remember it’s a normal stage of development.
Of course, that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Here are some tried-and-tested strategies to help ease the process—for both of you.
8 Tips to Help with Separation Anxiety
1. Lead by Example
Your child takes their emotional cues from you. If you seem anxious about being apart, they’ll probably albeit unconsciously mirror that anxiety. Try to create a safe play space where they can explore without your constant supervision. A little distance can go a long way in building their confidence.
2. Don’t Avoid It
Avoiding separation might seem easier in the short term, but it can delay an important emotional milestone. It’s okay for your child to get upset—it’s part of learning that goodbyes are temporary. Offer reassurance and consistency.
3. Start Slow
When you first start leaving your child with someone else, keep it short. A quick trip to the shop or a walk around the block is enough. Ease into longer separations gradually.
4. Choose Familiar Faces
Leaving your child with someone they know and trust—like a grandparent or family friend for an hour or so for the first few attempts —can make all the difference. Familiarity provides comfort.
5. Stay a While at First
When your babysitter or friend arrives, don’t dash out the door. Hang around for 30 minutes or so. Let your child see that this is someone you trust—it’ll help them trust them, too.
6. Face the Music
Tempting as it might be, don’t sneak out. Say goodbye, even if it brings tears. This builds understanding and trust—your child learns that you always say goodbye and always come back.
7. Establish a Goodbye Routine
Just like a bedtime routine helps signal sleep, a consistent goodbye ritual can make separations easier. A special hug, a funny phrase or a clear indication of when you’ll return can offer comfort and predictability.
8. Use Time References They Understand
Instead of saying “I’ll be back in an hour,” say “I’ll be back after snack time” or “before bath time.” Relating your return to their daily routine helps make the wait more manageable.
When to Seek Support
It’s completely natural for children to experience some separation anxiety as they grow. Most often, these feelings ease with time. However, if your child’s worry seems especially intense, lasts longer than expected for their age, or starts to affect everyday life, it might be helpful to speak with your GP or health visitor. They can offer guidance and support to help both you and your child feel more at ease.
For typical separation anxiety, a calm, consistent, and supportive approach can go a long way. With time, children begin to understand that when you leave, you’ll return — and this understanding helps them feel more secure. Eventually, your little ones will be able to wave you off with confidence and a smile.
If your little one is struggling with sleep after going through this developmental leap, please do get in touch.
