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Why Children Have Nightmares (and What You Can Do About It)

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Let’s talk about something many of us have probably experienced, being woken up in the middle of the night by a little voice calling out, a child crying, or tiny feet running down the hallway.

Chances are, it’s a nightmare. If you’ve been there (possibly at 3am, half-asleep, stumbling over toys on the way to their room…), you’re not alone. Nightmares are super common in children, and while they’re not much fun for anyone, they’re actually a normal part of growing up.

So, let’s break it down. What causes nightmares, how to tell the difference between nightmares and night terrors, and what you can do to help your little one get back to sleep.

When Do Children Get Nightmares?

Nightmares usually start popping up around the age of 2 to 4. It’s when imagination really kicks in.  At this age, kids are also learning to talk about their feelings and fears, so they’re more likely to be able to describe a bad dream to you (usually in great detail at 1am!).

For younger children, nightmares can be set off by big changes or challenges. Think:

    • Starting toilet training

    • Moving from cot to a ‘big bed’

    • Starting or changing childcare

    • Big emotions at home : there’s a new baby or a house move coming up

 

These sorts of changes might not seem huge to us, but for small people, they tend to be a lot to take in. So its helpful to be mindful of this.

Nightmares in older children

Older children (around 5–8) tend to have more “real-world” fears creeping into their dreams. They’re starting to understand more about life, and sometimes, unfortunately, that includes things like:

    • Accidents

    • Illness

    • Death

    • The news or things they overhear adults talking about

It can be hard hearing your child talk about these things, but again it’s developmentally normal. Their brains are just trying to make sense of what they’re learning.

Everyday things can Be a Trigger Too

Sometimes, there’s no big emotional upheaval. Nightmares can be sparked by much smaller stuff, like:

    • A spooky story (even if it didn’t seem scary at the time!)

    • A busy, overstimulating day

    • Feeling anxious or unsettled before bed

Important Reminder: It’s Not Your Fault

It’s so easy to feel like we’ve done something wrong when our child has a nightmare. But here’s the thing: you’re not a bad parent.

Nightmares are your child’s way of processing emotions in a safe, subconscious way. They don’t mean you’ve messed up the bedtime routine or let them watch the wrong show. These things happen. And they’ll pass.

Is It a Nightmare or a Night Terror? Key Signs Every Parent Should Know

This is where things can get a bit confusing, so here’s how to tell the difference:

Nightmares:

    • Happen in the second half of the night

    • Your child wakes up and is properly awake and scared

    • They might cry, want a cuddle, or tell you all about the dream

    • They might find it hard to get back to sleep

Night terrors:

    • Happen in the first part of the night

    • Your child looks upset or scared, but they’re still asleep

    • They might cry, shout or thrash around, but they won’t really respond to you

    • They usually won’t remember a thing in the morning

Night terrors can be really unsettling to watch but they’re not usually something to worry about, and kids grow out of them.

What to do after a nightmare?

When your little one has a bad dream, what they need most is you. This may simply be your voice, your cuddle, your reassurance that everything is fine. Here are a few ways you can help:

    • Go to them when they call. As being there is half the job

    • A hug, a stroke on the back, a familiar voice. Comfort is key

    • Let them talk about the dream if they want to, but don’t push it

    • Remind them it was just a dream, and it wasn’t real, and they’re safe now

    • Show them there’s nothing scary under the bed or in the wardrobe (we’ve all done it)

    • Make sure their favourite teddy or blanket is in bed with them

    • Gently remind them that you’re nearby

And above all be calm and patient. These are big emotions in little bodies, and it can take time for them to settle.

What You Can Do to Help After a Night terror

If your little one has a night terror, it’s important to stay calm and make sure they’re safe without waking them up. They might seem distressed or unsettled, but waking them can make things worse. Instead, gently keep an eye on them and wait for it to pass naturally.

You’ve Got This

Remember! You’re doing brilliantly. Nightmares are part of the parenting journey, and like most phases, this one will pass too.

So, next time you’re called to the bedroom at an awful hour, take a deep breath, grab your dressing gown, and know that your calm, loving presence is more powerful than any monster under the bed.

If your little one is struggling with nightmares after trying these tips , please do get in touch.

If you are struggling with sleep, please get in touch.  Book a free, no obligation call and we can talk about working together to get you a better night’s sleep.

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